Will you marry me, me?

The thing I keep asking myself recently is... would I marry me?
I mean, me, myself - would I marry myself, if I was someone else?

I didn't want to start writing about such personal things on here - this was going to be one of my more upbeat blogging attempts, but some days, you just need to tell somebody... even if its to a blog that nobody reads.

For the first time, in.. I don't know. I'm alone. Not in between boyfriends, not slowly letting go of one hand while comfortably playing with another hand, not even flirting. I'm single, solo, companionless, unattached, I'm travelling alone.

It's hard. It's painful. Actually, sometimes it just feels like not existing would be easier than going through this... maybe that sounds silly.
I loved a boy. He made me exist and gave me a reason to want to wake up in the morning. For reasons I can't even touch on, I can't be with him. It's excruciatingly hard most hours of the day to resist making contact, because he still loves me too and wants to make me the happiest woman there ever was. Sounds ridiculous right? he loves me, I love him - it should be simple! but these things never are. And for once in my life I'm trying to do the right thing, instead of the easy thing. but it sucks.

So now I'm left here, alone, and wondering what I'm going to do with the rest of my life now... and keep coming back to the question - would I marry me? and the answer is quite simply, no.

I don't particularly like me at all, and now that I'm alone and have all this extra time to ponder things, that just seems so wrong.
I don't mean to sound all woeful and full of self hatred or whatever - there are plenty of things I DO like about myself, but, would I want to marry me? no. and that's something I really need to work on fixing I think. I don't want to be alone forever.